This is a common status I see on Facebook after a woman has a baby. At first, I didn’t think twice about it. It makes sense right? To birth a baby, fall completely in love with them and not even be able to picture life without them. Well for me, that couldn’t have been more false.
Let me explain.
Two weeks into being home with my newborn, I began to grieve my old life. I grieved my past relationship with my husband. The way we could just go for a walk at the park, come home and eat dinner, then lay in bed cuddling next to each other in silence and peace. It hit me when we decided to go to the park as a new family. I got the baby in the car seat as he dug the stroller out of the garage and loaded it into the truck. I grabbed the diaper bag and checked to make sure we had everything we would ever need for this little one. (15 diapers, 5 changes of clothes, and I’m not going to get into what else I thought I needed to pack for a 30minute walk in the park…new mom problems!) Once we got to the park, we couldn’t figure out how to open the stroller or attach her car seat to it. Finally, my husband figured it out and we were off! Walking at a slower place, checking every two minutes to make sure she was still breathing, and trying to stop thinking about everything we had to do when we got home before we could go to bed. I became frustrated and sad. Not that I wasn’t glad my new baby had made her appearance or that I didn’t love her with my whole heart, but I grieved my old life and felt crushed that we would never have that life back.
I share this in hopes that other new mommas who feel this way won’t keep it to themselves or feel guilty. Mom guilt is a real thing and comes from the pit of hell. It really does. It is one of Satans greatest tools to isolate us, make us feel unworthy or ill equipped. We have too many other things our brains need to be tending to and exploring- not being eat up with guilt and grieving in silence.
I came home from the walk and fell face down on my bed and wept. My husband walked in and knew I needed to voice my feelings and that I did. He rallied together a few women that love me and have experience in the mom arena and they told me they remembered feeling the same way. I was not alone and I would adapt to this new life and it would be even more beautiful than the old one.
To all the new mommas,
Patient with your emotions, your hormones, and your heart.
Honest with your loved ones. Tell them your feelings even if they aren’t pretty or feel selfish.
Kind to yourself. You just brought forth new life. You have a new baby that needs you every moment and it can feel daunting. Give yourself breaks and do one thing for yourself each day. Even if it’s just 5 extra minutes in the shower. Or heck, act like your using the bathroom and pluck your eyebrows.
To everyone else, find a new mom and pull her in close. Even if she says she’s okay. She needs you and your support. Don’t take no for an answer. Your presence can mend her heart.