Some said I was crazy, some called me superwoman. Some just watched without saying anything at all. Some judged, some asked if I was worried about all the sickness, while some cheered me on and said “you go Momma!”
I left my house with my newborn, my toddler, and my mom one day after we were home from the hospital. I stayed in the hospital for the normal two days, enjoyed visitors, rested in the hospital bed, then journeyed home go find my new normal. After getting settled in after a day, I decided it was time to leave my house. I need some “normalcy”. Well, my new normal of course. For me, sitting at home was not “normal”. I felt comfortable because I was blessed to have my mothers help with my toddler and each day I continued to get out more. One outing turned to two, which turned to three as the days went by. I continued to feel more confident, stronger, and excited about this transition as a momma of three.
You see, I didn’t do this because I had something to prove to others. I didn’t do this to show off how quick I was recovering. I didn’t do this to get applause or be elevated to the title of “super woman”. Actually, as nice as those compliments were, as soon as I heard them, I immediately thanked the one who deserved all the glory. Yes, what may have looked like I was put together was not the reality. I did have a pretty easy, non eventful delivery, but just like anyone, I was rocking the Hanes XXXXL panties, super duper massive hospital pads, back pain from the epidural, and painful uterus cramps every time I nursed. But God, the one who came through for me, AGAI, deserves ALL the credit!
I prayed very strategically for my labor, delivery, and recovery. I made a list in my journal of every single detail I could think of that I desired and asked God for it. I asked for a specific nurse to be on call, asked to not experience specific side effects from my epidural, no bleeding complications, clear signs of contractions and the list goes on. God tells us that he will give us the desires of our hearts. So I told him the desires of mine. However, I ultimately wanted Him to get all the glory. Though my list was long and detailed,
I trusted He knew best for me and my experience. I continued to pray over the list but each time surrender it to Him. Looking back at the list and see all the ways He came through, answered the smallest details, and even added some some sweet surprises, I am overwhelmed with His goodness again.
Postpartum depression is real and I’ve seen too many friends struggle through it alone. I was determined to push through and not be touched by the fears and lies the enemy brings. And plus, I know myself better than anyone and knew if I didn’t give myself permission to get out, do things I enjoy, and continue my life… I could fall right into that trap. I had made up my mind that I would not feel guilty jumping right back into life. Yes, I would value slowing down, but would not allow myself to stop.
If your pregnant, I encourage you to start a list. It doesn’t matter if you just got a positive pregnancy test or are due any minute with your little one. God wants you to ask and he wants to prove his faithfulness in our lives. Though we are so undeserving of everything He gives, He still wants to be the one who comes through, especially in the details.